


The Widow » Natasha Romanoff

by Mystique1250



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Budapest, F/M, KGB, Natalia Alianovna Romanova - Freeform, POV Natasha Romanov, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Protective Bucky Barnes, Red Room (Marvel), Russia, Russian Bucky Barnes, What Happened in Budapest, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-03-06 22:16:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystique1250/pseuds/Mystique1250
Summary: Even though Natasha Romanoff, known as the Black Widow, is now an Avenger, she wasn't always like that. After the death of her parents, she came to the Red Room and became one of twenty-eight participants in the Black Widow Ops program. After it turned out how talented she was, the KGB used her as a means to an end, a weapon. But when James Barnes came into her life, suddenly everything changed and she got something she didn't know.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language.

The little girl's heart was beating firmly against his chest, and the smoke that spread to her lungs made breathing difficult. She trembled all over her body, although the flames blazing a few metres away heated her skin. "Natalia" her father's broken voice penetrated her ears and she moved faster.

She ran to the stairs and literally stumbled down the stairs: "Папа." Her voice was thin and she seemed incredibly fragile as she climbed down the stairs in search of her parents, with the flaming flames always behind her. She couldn't think clearly any more and could barely keep track of the situation. The sudden heat and the desperate screams of her mother had ripped her from her sleep and she had left the bed in a hurry when she had seen the flames flare up in her room. That terrible image of the flames eating their way through the house was something the girl had never dreamed of.

"Here I am, my darling," she instinctively followed the male voice and saw her father, who had beads of sweat running across his forehead: "Come here. For a moment her heart made a sentence and she hoped that her father's strong arms would give her the security she so longed for at that moment.

When he arrived, he put one hand on her shoulder and drove the other through her curly red hair. His facial features had become soft, which was atypical for the otherwise so hard man, and the little one thought she could make out tears in his eyes. He lovingly stroked his daughter's sweaty hair out of her forehead and for a moment just looked into her bright green eyes before he started talking. "You have to do something for me, Natalia."

She just nodded quietly, totally fixated on the man in front of her, in whose eyes the flames were reflected. For a moment he detached himself from her to reach for one of the blankets lying on the sofa and then returned to her. Gently he put the piece of cloth around her shoulders and covered her head so that she could barely see.

"Ivan! Her mother's desperate cry sounded dull in her ears and she turned her head to look around for her. Her father gently put his hands on her cheek and forced her to keep looking at him: 'I want you to run to the front door as fast as you can and then count as soon as you're out and keep running until you reach ten. Can you do that for me?" Her whole body was numb, but the man's words burned into her brain.

"Yes, папа," she confirmed with a trembling voice and tried to read his face. Shortly he lowered his wistfully gaze and it almost seemed as if he would have to blink away tears. Then he raised his head again and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a little rag doll with the same red hair as her own that he put in his daughter's hand: "I love you, Natalia".

"She closed her fingers tightly around the doll as if it were the last piece of security she had left. "Yes, достояние. I'll see you in a minute," he replied, after a few seconds in which he had remained silent, "Now run along. Make me proud, my child! For a moment she scrutinized him attentively, but then nodded and ran, the blanket wrapped around her body, towards the front door.

With trembling hands she opened the door and stumbled out into the cold night through the lower flames, which were already flickering around the house outside and would thus lock the residents in for some time. As she took a deep breath, her father's words sounded dull in her head. Then she began to count inside, as she had promised her father, and just walked straight on. Her heart fluttered wildly against her chest like a bird trying to escape its golden cage.  
At ten she stopped, breathing heavily, and looked around. In the distance, her parental home was ablaze and she was completely alone.


	2. Chapter 1

Natalia Romanova ran through the streets of Stalingrad, her hands buried in the pockets of her coat. Now winter had finally found its way to this city and she shivered slightly. The redhead pulled the cap a little further over her ears and accelerated her pace in order to be able to return to the apartment as quickly as possible. Ivan had asked her to pick up mail for him in the morning and she had complied with his request. So she could enjoy the fresh air a little before it would really start to snow.

When her front door came into sight, she looked up at the windows that belonged to her apartment, but could not see Ivan Petrovitch. Normally, if you looked up from the right angle, you could see the man walking up and down the living room with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

She quickly made her way to the entrance and pulled the key out of her pocket to unlock the door. With his help she unlocked and stepped into the stairwell. Natalia climbed up the stairs until she reached the apartment door and opened it as well.

"Ivan, I'm home," she called into the apartment and closed the door behind her. "Ivan," she asked again when she didn't get an answer and took off her coat. She pulled the parcel she had taken from the post office out of her pocket and walked towards the kitchen with him in her hand.

"Natalia," was the only answer she got: "I'll be right there. Stay in the living room." However, she recognized something in his voice that seemed strange. "I got the package for you," she told him through the door and put her hand on the door handle. No further answer came from her foster father and although he had told her to wait for him, it seemed to her that something was wrong. She also thought she had a hint of haste in his voice. An unpleasant atmosphere had suddenly spread throughout the apartment.

Surprised, her eyebrows rose and she didn't hesitate for a moment to enter the kitchen. What she found there, however, scared her completely. Petrovitch stood in the kitchen with a tall man on his right and on his left. The right one held a gun in his hand and pressed the barrel firmly against the temple of the man who had taken her in after she had lost everything in a fire. She swallowed hard and took a few seconds to realize that this was not a dream, but a hard reality.

As the door fell into the lock behind her, she shrugged slightly and saw a third person behind her from the corner of her eye. But she didn't dare to turn her back on the man with the gun, which is why she simply stopped as if rooted. Her heart was beating faster and you might think she was almost in shock. "With that you made our job a lot easier", the third stepped completely into her field of vision and looked at her like a predator his prey. An amused smile appeared on his lips and he almost seemed to like the whole situation.

"Now all you have to do is hand me the parcel," he stretched out his hand to her, but his look told her that he wouldn't accept a 'no': "Maybe I'll even spare your beloved 'father' then." Although she didn't believe a word he said, she looked over to Ivan again to read his face. Hardly noticeably he nodded to her, meaning that she should not resist and just hand over the package. Although her inner self resisted, she hesitantly hands over the parcel to the stranger. He took it with a winning expression on his face and then nodded to the man, who had stood to Ivan's left without any function so far.

He moved faster than Natalie could react and grabs her firmly by the arm. Ruppig he pulled her to himself and twisted her arm so that any resistance would be particularly painful. A slight pain twitched through her body as he brutally put his fingers around her wrist and squeezed tightly. "I'm sorry, Ivan, but you don't cheat us and then you just get away with it," suddenly the voice of the third person got an aggressive and gleeful move: "If you take something away from us, we'll take something away too."

"No, you can't do that," it burst out of Ivan: "Not her. Please not her! His voice was panicky and frightened Natalia. What did he mean by that?

\----

The imploring voice of the man she knew as Ivan resisted in her ears as she jerked up from sleep. In the course of her dream she had transported her blanket to the floor next to her bed and was now shivering slightly. While her breath calmed down again, she tried to classify her dream. Lately she has always been dreaming the same thing, but could not classify the pictures she saw. Although she saw herself in the dreams, she could not say that they were her own memories. Eventually they remembered almost nothing that had happened before she arrived at the Red Room where she was trained and grew up.

She firmly closed her eyes and hoped to banish the strange images from her head. But when this didn't really work out, she stood up sighing. She wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway, and since she wasn't really keen on sitting in her windowless room, she decided to stretch her legs a little.

So she picked up her much too thin duvet and put it back on the bed before taking a thin black cardigan out of the almost empty closet and pulling herself over her thin nightgown. Then she left her room and sneaked across the dark hallway. When she let her gaze wander over the many doors, she was once again grateful for the small, spartanly furnished room. At least she had it for herself and hadn't had to share a room for a long time.

At the beginning of her training this had not yet been the case. At that time she shared the room with the other twenty-seven participants in the Black Widow Ops program. But now only Natalia and two other girls were here, who had to prove themselves against each other. In the Red Room the principle was "kill and live or refuse and die".

In the beginning Natalia, like most other girls, was probably blocked by her morals and fears, but with time her inhibitions weakened and, even if she didn't like it, she pulled the gun without hesitation. Because she had to. It was her only chance to stay alive long enough to finally leave this same building.

Slowly she climbed down a wooden staircase and entered the room where she usually trained. She knew that if she walked down the hallway just a bit further, she could get to the dance hall. Ballet has been taught there for generations. This was always explained to her in such a way that the ballet contained just as delicate and precise movements as an efficient fighting style.

Natalia still remembered exactly how, when she was younger, she was often allowed to watch dancing training with the other girls. Shortly afterwards she had the chance to dance with the group. However, her consistent training had prevented her from continuing to participate. Because she had to be the best, she had to be the Black Widow. She had been preparing for this for so long and she didn't want to die now. Even if that meant just being used as a tool, a living weapon. What other choice did she have? After all, that was the only perspective she had so far.

Not quite as concentrated as usual, she clenched her hands to fists and began to ram them again and again into the much too hard punching bag until the ankles of her fingers turned red. Natalia hated not to remember who she had been before she was brought here and that she had no real choice in her life. She didn't know who she had been and didn't even want to know who she would become one day. 


	3. Chapter 2

"Try harder," the voice of the blonde woman who had positioned herself in front of the carmine was cool and emotionless: "I know you can do better." Natalia slowly turned around to her and looked at her quietly before nodding without resistance. Over time she had learned that it was better to simply carry out orders than to discuss them. In the Red Room, as Natalia knew from personal experience, submissiveness and authority were much appreciated and the punishments for disobedience were accordingly severe. The thin, white scar on her ankle, which always reminded her of it, testified to this.

"Pretending to be worse than you actually are. That's weak, Romanova," the woman's voice sounded again and Natalia turned around to her. It was clear to her that she could do better and could not hesitate. But there was a blockade when she thought of her next fight against one of the other girls. By the time he had found something like a girlfriend in one of them - her name was Katharina - and the thought that only one of them would be left in the end felt like a direct kick in the pit of the stomach.

She quickly tried to suppress this thought and closed her fingers tighter around the grip of her pistol. With her thumb she unlocked the weapon and then lifted it slowly. Her eyes were fixed on the target and the red dot in the middle, which she had deliberately missed several times. The forefinger of her right hand landed on the trigger and she narrowed her eyes slightly to slits to accurately target the target. Her hands didn't shake a moment as she pulled the trigger, releasing a muffled shot. The bullet flew straight through the room towards the target and then drilled into the red material. Once fired, she did not hesitate to fire a short sequence of shots.

When she had also fired the last shot, she lowered the pistol and turned again to the woman who had left her place at Karmin in the meantime and moved beside her. She laid a hand on the young student's shoulder and looked directly at the redhead. Natalia looked up at her and thought she could almost see a touch of pride in the woman's eyes, but was sure that this would never really be the case: "I knew you could, Natalia." Then she handed her the gun: "You have great potential, my dear. Maybe even most of all of you."

She took a short break and Natalia tried to read any emotion from her face, but continued to see only the cold, ruthless woman monitoring her training progress. There was nothing more. "But are you ready to finish this," she asked with a clear voice, "Are you ready for your last two exams?

For a moment silence filled the room and briefly she sank back into her thoughts. No matter how often and how extensively she thought about it, no matter how much she wanted to give another answer, she actually had no choice. Even if it sounded damn selfish, she wanted to survive the program at all costs. It was the only way she could find out where she came from. "Yes! Yes, I'm ready," she said in an equally clear voice, although she knew exactly what those words meant to her: "I'll be the Black Widow."


	4. Chapter 3

When Natalia stepped into the courtyard, she felt her heart beat faster. For although the small courtyard was the only place where she could really get some fresh air, the sight alone gave her a cold shiver. One of the other two girls had also arrived and had taken his regular place. Natalia's heart slipped into her pants as she took her own position. It was customary for those who didn't fight to line up in a circle around the two rivals to be able to follow everything and learn something for their own battles. But for most of them it was torture to watch the winner slowly knock the life out of the loser's body.

When the sound of high heels sounded on the cobblestone, all three raised their heads, but already knew without seeing who was coming in. It was the blonde woman who had trained Natalia just a few hours ago. She wore a white blouse and black trousers, but there was no weapon to be seen far and wide. But she didn't need them either to instill respect and fear in the girls.

She remained standing between Natalia and the other girl, so that behind her the third in the bunch appeared. Even with the few steps she took to get to her place, Natalia saw that she was limping slightly. Her eyebrows barely raised noticeably, but she didn't take the time to examine them, as the woman raised her voice at that moment: "As you know, there are only two fights left, my girls. Katharina, Nadia, step forward.

When the name of her friend sounded, Natalia flinched slightly. She had tried to hide the fact that the second girl was her best friend and had hoped to switch off her human feelings, but she had not succeeded. The two girls left their seats and stepped into the middle of the courtyard. Both fixed their eyes on each other, but did not begin directly. Instead, they both remained in their defensive position, waiting for the sign that they should begin.

"Begin, my girls," said the woman in a cold voice, then crossed her arms as she looked at the two girls with Argus eyes. At her command, Katharina changed her statistics and attacked her opponent. Natalia watched them both with concentration. She wasn't sure what she preferred. Of course she wanted her friend to survive, but if she did, it would be up to Natalia to fight the last battle against her and either kill her or sacrifice herself. And she had assured the woman next to her that in the end she would be the one who survived.

Nadia grabbed Katharina's leg, but she freed herself from her grip with a back wheel. She hit her competitor with her foot under her chin and so made her stagger slightly backwards, at the same time creating a moment of confusion. As soon as she stood on her feet again, she used it to give the other girl a firm chin rake and then rammed her knee into the pit of her stomach. Once again Natalia noticed that Nadia was clearly at a disadvantage with one leg bending slightly away from her and suspected that she must have sustained some injury during training. So you couldn't really talk about fair conditions in this fight.

Accordingly, it only took a few more seconds for Nadia to lay on the floor, completely beaten by her opponent, who hesitantly looked down on her. "Bring it to an end, Katherina," said the woman without pulling out the eyelash. She didn't want any of the girls to show mercy and instead looked down on the scene completely numb.

Natalia noticed Katharina swallowing before standing with her feet on the hands of the girl lying on the floor to keep her from resisting. Natalia would love to look away, but she knew she would not be spared, so she kept her eyes still on her only friend. She put her hands around the neck of the other girl, who tried to free his arms, but in vain. They both knew what was going to happen and that it was inevitable. Natalie thought she could hear Katharina whispering an almost inaudible "I'm sorry" to the girl below her before she put her hands tightly around her neck and began to squeeze.

At first Natalie had met Katharina as a peaceful girl who had never thought of strangling another human being. But the program they had lived through for so long had changed them all. And even if Natalie believed that this peace-loving man was still in Katharina, she knew that she had learned to put aside her moral concepts and eliminate her emotions, what made her human. They had all learned that over time and used that skill in the tasks that were most difficult for them personally.

The longer she wrapped her hands around Nadia's neck, the redder her face turned and she began to gasp for air. Even while watching she could feel the feelings of both of them. The guilt that overcame Katharina at that moment also weighed on Natalia's shoulders and the fear that Nadia felt was the constant companion of the redheads.

To avoid looking into Nadia's face, she preferred to look at the hands of the loser, who had put her hands around Katharina's ankles in the vain hope that she would give in. For a moment Natalia thought that Nadia might hold out a little longer and that the adults on her right would then give in. But then Nadia's grip suddenly detached from the ankles of the others and her hands slackened. Without having to look into her face, she knew it was over. Nadia was dead and Katharina was now Natalia's only opponent.


	5. Chapter 4

In the evening Natalia lay in her bed and finally struggled to fall asleep. However, a restlessness had spread inside her that kept her awake. After the fight between Nadia and Katharina the survivors and her were sent to their rooms to rest. Finally the last examination was on the next day and one wanted to give them both the same chances. In any case one tried to convey this picture to them.

The pictures of the lifeless Nadia, which one had carried from the room after the fight had ended, however, they simply did not want to let go. Although it was not the first time that the girl had seen a dead one, but this time it was especially close to her. Because of that it was only Katharina and herself who would face each other in the last fight.

The sudden knocking on her room door ripped her from her thoughts and made her freeze. She didn't know who that could be and therefore didn't move an inch. But the person in front of the door didn't seem to have the plan to disappear, because she knocked again and then again. With a strange feeling she rose from the bed and slowly walked towards her room door. She pressed down the door handle and then looked hesitantly into the hallway.

But she hadn't counted on the person standing there. "Katharina? asked Natalia in a surprised voice. At the sight of her best and only friend here, her heart beat faster: "What are you doing here? "Can I come in?" she asked the counter-question without properly responding to Natalia and when she didn't answer, she added an almost begging "request".

Sighing, the redhead opened her door a little further and let her in without a word. With a grateful look Katharina entered and gave her a grateful look as she walked past her. Quickly she closed the door behind her again and looked at the girl. It wasn't forbidden for them to visit each other, but it wasn't appreciated and they both knew that. Especially before the final fight they had to fight.

Katharina let herself sink onto Natalia's bed and looked over at her. Natalia stayed outside the door for a moment, but then rejected it and walked towards the bed. There she sat down next to her and looked at her asking: "What's going on? Her voice was surprisingly compassionate, a feeling that she had been suppressing a lot lately. "I think we should talk", Katharina's voice was thin and she sounded almost vulnerable. "Of course," she replied immediately, eager to hear what she had to say.

For a moment there was silence and it almost seemed as if Katharina would make up her words: "I can't fight against you, Nat. "I don't want to fight you either," Natalia replied immediately and stroked a strand from her face: "But we have to."

"No, I don't mean that," Katharina carefully reached for Natalia's hand, which she had put down on her thigh, and crossed her fingers: "I won't fight you. I can't bring that over my heart." Surprised, she looked at her and raised one of her eyebrows: "What are you trying to tell me? Her heart instinctively beat faster and she gently pressed her hand.

Katharina swallowed and almost lovingly laid a hand on the cheek of her opposite: "I mean to say that you must kill me tomorrow." It took Natalia a few seconds to really realize what she had just said, but then she reluctantly shook her head: "No, I can't do that. You are my best friend. I can't kill you." "Yes, you can," Katharina stroked her thumb over the back of her girlfriend's hand, reassuringly: "You have to. I know that I cannot and will never do it. I already have enough blood on my hands and if yours is added now, I can never forgive myself.

There were little tears in Katharina's eyes and her gaze was begging: "Please, Nat. Just please finish me tomorrow. Finish it quickly". Instinctively she shook her head: "You know that I can't do that any more than you can, Cat. Katharina pressed her lips together and avoided her gaze: "Please, Nat, my life has never been good and that will certainly not change when I become the Black Widow. But I have hope for you. You are strong and talented and I know that one day you will find your place in the world. But you have to get through this and I won't stand in your way."

Her words felt like a kick in the pit of the stomach. To hear those words from a person so dear to her heart was painful and she would love to hear them gone, but she could not. Instead, her friend's pleading tone burned itself into her head and made her incapable of responding. 


	6. Chapter 5

Natalia's heart first made a sentence and then began to beat faster than the blonde woman's voice sounded: "This test will be different from all the previous ones." She put one hand each on the shoulders of the two girls standing to her right and left. This time she was not the only 'high animal' present at the test. This gave the whole thing something threatening and insanely official. Now it really felt like the last fight of the Black Widow program.

The redhead briefly exchanged a look with Katharina and then looked at the small table next to her. On it lay some shiny weapons, specially polished for this event. She let her eyes wander over it for a moment and immediately excluded some of the tools. Although she could handle most of them, she didn't like it.

After a few seconds she reached for a small knife with a polished blade and a black handle. It lay well in her hand and was just the right size. Almost as if it had been made especially for Natalia.

With the gun in her hand, she turned back to the others and saw that Katharina herself had chosen an elongated wooden stick. As far as she knew, her friend had trained with it in the past, while Natalia's focus had been more on firearms and knives. She noticed Katharina swallowing heavily as her eyes scurried over the blade.

When she noticed the girl's gaze, her pleading voice resounded in Natalia's head and she closed her eyes for a moment, hoping to displace her. However, she didn't really succeed and her words clearly resounded in her head.

Now Natalia swallowed too. Although she had thought about it all night, she still didn't know what decision she would make. Should she die herself and thus give up everything she had fought for for years with one blow or follow the girl's request and live the rest of her life with the guilt of having her only friend's blood on her hands?

"Girls", the blonde's voice ripped her from her mind and Natalia slowly raised her head to try to concentrate on her words: "This is your last fight and he decides which one of you gets the post of Black Widow. I expect both of you to show everything you can and don't hold back." With a meaningful look, she looked at the two girls as if she knew what they were talking about. Natalia nodded and Katharina did the same. Inside, however, they both knew that at least one of them wouldn't give everything.

"Then start now," she let go of both girls and stepped back a few steps. She joined the line of people who would watch the fight, and Natalia couldn't help but let her gaze wander over the faces of the others for a few seconds. They all stared at the two girls as if they were not waiting for one girl to kill the other.

"Nat", Katharina whispered to her barely audible and the woman turned to her again. Determined, Katharina raised her staff, but deliberately left enough space for her friend to attack. Natalia, on the other hand, turned the knife a little lost in thought in her fingers, still undecided. "Do it," her friend whispered again, then took a small step towards her to shake her awake again.

Instinctively Natalia dodged and closed her fingers tighter around the handle. Apparently Katharina really wanted it and Natalia knew her well enough to know that she could never finish it if the redhead didn't do it herself.

So she waited a moment until Katharina attacked again to provoke her, and then reacted in such a way that her opponent made her stagger for a moment. Then she took her flat hand and hit her firmly under the chin, creating a moment of confusion. She used these seconds to clench her free hand into a fist and ram it into her pit of the stomach.

Although she knew that she was hurting her friend with it, she couldn't pull it off without any violence. Otherwise, the observers would quickly become suspicious. But she deliberately didn't use the knife, although she didn't know how to finish the fight without it, as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Although she knew that she was hurting her friend with it, she could not pull it off without any violence. Otherwise the observers would quickly become suspicious. But she deliberately didn't use the knife, although she didn't know how to finish the fight without it, as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Once again Katharina staggered and her grip around the staff loosened as she held a hand protecting her belly. Suddenly it seemed as if she had forgotten everything she had ever learned in this institution. Whether it was a blackout or a deliberate oblivion, she couldn't say for sure. The begging look of her opponent, however, made her suspect the latter.

But before she could catch herself again, Natalia kicked her in the hollow of her knee once and made her fall easily. As expected, Katharina couldn't support herself anywhere and landed faster than she had thought on the ground. With a firm kick, Natalia made Katharina release her grip on the staff and then kicked it away, rolling it out of her reach.

Natalia stood on the girl's hands and made her defenseless. She knew that she could now simply send her to her death, but her hands trembled and her sanity kept her from dealing. With an uncertain look she turned to the blonde woman, hoping she would tell her what to do and make her decide.

To her surprise, however, a hard, cold "That's enough" sounded from her and she took a step forward. "Natalia", as her name resounded, the addressed person flinched slightly: "Rise." First she looked down questioningly at Katharina, who also seemed helpless, and rose, then slowly as she was called. They both did not know what was waiting for them. Normally a normal fight in the course of the program ended with the death of one of the two parties, but never with both coming out alive. So what was it about the Commander's determined words?

Her heart pounded firmly against her chest as she hesitantly rose. The knife kept holding her clasped in her hand as it made her feel at least a little powerful. However, she knew that Katharina and herself were the most powerless in the room at that moment. 

The blonde came at Natalia, like a predator to his prey, but in her eyes a touch of pride sparkled as she laid a hand on the redhead's shoulders again: "You have brought down your opponent and thus won. At least that's what the rules say." Natalia frowned and for a moment the spit stayed away. She had won? She heard the words, but they didn't want to find the right way into her brain. They sounded too surreal and too unfinished the fight that had just begun in her own eyes felt.

"Come to my side, Natalia,' she then said, meaning to the person addressed to stand next to her. A little insecurely she followed the order and stepped back to the woman.

"But you didn't pass until you were the only one left," she continued, waving to two of the people she had been watching. They went to Katharina and pulled her up from the floor. "What? how do you mean?" Natalia asked shocked and wanted to take a step on Katharina to stand in front of her, but the woman held her tight. The two men placed the girl on a chair and put their hands on her shoulders to prevent her from getting up.

"You must finish it, Romanova," she said to the woman next to her, then took a pistol from the table on which the weapons were lying. She then pressed it into her hand and nodded in Katharina's direction: "Compassion is a bad quality for people like us. So put it down." Natalia swallowed heavily when the gun was pressed into her hand. At this moment she would like to sink into the ground and escape this test. Her heart raced and cold sweat ran down her back.

She hesitated for a few seconds and kept looking back and forth between the woman, her gun and her best friend. Her whole body was paralyzed and she really had to fight with herself to raise her arms almost in slow motion. The young girl's hands trembled as she hesitantly aimed the gun at her friend. Her finger was on the trigger, but she felt unable to operate it. For even when Katharina tried to look at her encouragingly, her inner self stubbornly resisted.

With her gaze she fixed Katharina, in whose eyes a strangely calm expression had spread. Almost as if she had resigned herself to her fate and as if it were okay with her. But when Natalia still didn't stop, she formed her lips into a silent "Come on, Nat. I can take it". Firmly Natalia closed her eyes and could hear these words out of her mouth.

With a fast beating heart, she released the gun with her thumb and a soft click that merged into marrow and leg sounded. Now there was no turning back and she knew it. As in her countless practice hours, she put her index finger on the trigger, but this time it trembled uncertainly. She took a few more breaths to calm herself and switch off her brain, to switch off the emotions that were flooding her whole body at that moment. Then she pulled the trigger and felt her breath falter. When barely a second later the sound of the shot coming off sounded, she experienced a few breathless seconds as she tightened her eyes and tried to blend out what she had just done. Not ready to reopen them and face the action she did. 


	7. Chapter 6

She saw the blonde woman's lips moving, but the words did not reach her ears. Instead, she could only think of the image of her friend's dead body being carried out of the room by two people. Still completely shocked, she stared at her hands. The weapon had been quickly taken from her again, but that was not what attracted her attention so much. Instead, she had the feeling that her hands were covered with blood all over, although she saw that it was obviously not so. But the feeling was still tenacious, like the guilt that surrounded her at that moment. Her breath went flat and she had the feeling of toppling over in the next few seconds. The young woman's body was still paralyzed and she didn't feel able to make any movement.

"Natalia, are you listening?' the woman said in a razor-sharp tone and laid a hand on her shoulder. She flinched at the touch and an unpleasant cold flooded her body, which made her tremble. The girl cleared her throat briefly in the hope that her voice would not sound too broken: "Of course. Nevertheless, the shock she had in her clutches was audible to her.

"All right, then we'll see you when your ceremony is over," she replied and then nodded to a man in a white coat who Natalia hadn't even noticed had entered the room. "She asked herself rather than the people around her. Her alarm bells automatically sounded at that word. She had already heard from the others here in the Red Room about the infamous ceremonies waiting for the winners of the programs. "No," she immediately woke from her rigor and took a step back. However, at that moment she was grabbed by the man in the smock. His fingers were painfully clinging to her thin upper arm and he pulled her rudely with him. She almost stumbled over her own feet as she began to defend herself. "Let me go," she pressed out between her teeth, but the man was far too strong for the petite girl.

She was eaten in the hallway, where two more girls were standing, looking like nurses. The man in the smock pressed the redhead onto a metal couch with rollers underneath with the help of the other two. While she fought back with all her might, leather cuffs were put around her wrists to fix her and make her defenceless. Natalia tried desperately to get up from the couch, but the shackles held her down.

Now they were pushed across the dark hallway where she had never been before. However, she knew exactly what to expect. Because it was part of the closing ceremony to be sterilized. So that nothing was more important than a mission. That made everything easier. Even killing! But at that moment Natalia was shivering over her back with this thought. She just wanted to get away from here and prevent them from making that decision. A door was opened and she was taken to a room she had never been in before. She tried to lift her head, but her shackles prevented her from looking around properly. When the clang of metal tools sounded, her heart beat even faster against her chest.

Then someone suddenly grabbed her chin and turned her head to himself. For a moment she looked into the blue eyes of a man with blond hair and briefly her fear subsided as there was nothing really threatening about him. That the first impression was always wrong in a place like this, however, was confirmed to her once again when the man pulled out a breathing mask. Immediately she began to move again and tried to turn her head away.

But the man put his fingers tighter around her chin and squeezed so tightly that one could have expected a firm crack. But this did not happen. Instead he pressed the mask on her mouth and nose and held it there. With all her might Natalia tried to hold her breath and not inhale the sedating gas, but after a few seconds she couldn't breathe any more and had to breathe deeply to avoid fainting due to lack of air. Immediately she felt the gas entering her body through her air tubes and filling her lungs. Almost automatically a tiring feeling spread into her and it felt as if her whole body was made of lead. Then suddenly everything blurred before her eyes and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments and kudos!


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